


be wherever you are

by rosewitchx



Series: the asgardian vault of perpetually unfinished fics [1]
Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Aftermath, Canon Divergence, Drabble Collection, F/M, Nightmares, Padparadscha is a cutie, Pink Lars, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Wanted, give me lars being happy and i'll stop PLEASE, will i ever finish this? who knows
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-10 05:17:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11120694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosewitchx/pseuds/rosewitchx
Summary: "do you ever feel lonely, even when you're around people?"Lars struggles to adapt to life on Beach City after his resurrection.





	1. isn't this such

Sadie can't stop crying.

She clings to his torn-out shirt, desperately, basically trying to wash off the dried blood from it with her tears. To be honest, he's grossed out by it, but right now he doesn't really care.

He couldn't care less, really; the sand feels right between his toes, the summer breeze messing with his pink hair, the seagulls flying against the sunset. The off colors seem to be liking it too.

He pulls Sadie closer to him and their lips meet. He laughs, filled with joy.

He couldn't care _less_ if anyone sees, really.

He's finally home.


	2. a beautiful night

Lars couldn't sleep at all.

The first night, he hadn't managed to fall asleep; the celebration that had invaded Beach City'd lasted until dawn. Then he'd finally changed clothes while Steven explained everything that had happened to his parents.

But then he spent the night just staring into the ceiling.

Everything suddenly felt _overwhelming_ , as if he'd aged twenty years in the two months he'd spent in Homeworld. The people he'd known all his life didn't recognize him. Even now, he could hear his parents sobbing in their room.

He shook his head clear and went down for a snack.


	3. we're underneath

Sadie lays down next to him in silence.

Their hands are intertwined; she plays with his puffy, uncharacteristically soft hair, entranced by the tenderness of the damn thing. To think Steven of all people could pop out of it any second now—

"Are you crying?"

Lars looks at her. His heart skips a beat.

"No." He wipes his thumb at the tears sprouting from his eyes. "Yeah. I just—"

"Hey, it's okay." Her hands cup his face, and she smiles; he starts sobbing into her hands. "It's okay. You're okay. It's all okay."

"I just— I'm such a fucking disaster."


	4. the thousand shining stars

Right now, Lars is sweating.

They're all playing baseball: Steven, the Crystal Gems, the Off Colors, Connie and himself. His heartbeat should've gone crazy, he just ran a homerun, but instead, it's slow, too slow ( ~~ _zombie, zombie_~~ )—

Fluorite nods at him in approval. Padparadscha sprints towards him, grinning widely.

"Lars, you were amazing!," she says, jumping around him.

"Thanks, Pad," he says. A few moments pass before she notices and replies:

"It is my turn now. Do you think I'll do a good job?"

Lars ruffles her hair and she giggles after a while. "You teach em' who's boss, Pad."


	5. isn't it nice to find

Lars clings to Sadie's limp body desperately.

The world around him is an inferno; Beach City burns and the sky is clouded red. He can still hear them, the Crystal Gems and the Off Colors, fighting the invasion off desperately. They know they won't succeed.

" _Pearl_!," he hears from far away: an anguished cry. It's soon engulfed by a scream of agony. He can't bring himself to stand up, to move— _even though Steven's in danger and the world's ending—_

But all he can do is hold Sadie close to him and hope that someone will take him away too.


	6. yourself somewhere different

Lars washes his face and rests his hands on the sink. He stares at his reflection on the mirror, breathing heavily.

He looks like _fucking_ cotton candy. He still hasn't gotten used to it.

He wonders—

Is he even human anymore? His heart beats so slow. His body doesn't tire at all anymore. His hands— are so cold.

He shouldn't be thinking about this. He sho _uldn't, he—_

He wonders if he's even worthy enough. Of the live he's lived, of the privilege of being amongst his loved ones—

He chokes down a sob and looks away from the mirror.


	7. why don't you let yourself

Steven doesn't like how Lars has been acting recently.

Even though they're back home ( _they're safe! the diamonds won't hurt them right they won't come back for them will they_ ) Lars keeps himself away from people, cold, regretful. And he doesn't seem to be getting any sleep, either: when Lion doesn't get any rest, he becomes irritated and irrational. Lars is the same.

He just compared Lars to his pet lion. How weird is that?

But anyway— this isn't about Lion. It's about Lars. And Lars— he's always been a downer.

But Steven doesn't think it was this bad before.


	8. just be wherever you are

"So," Connie begins, "we begin with a bow. One for your teacher, and one for your— uh, liege."

Lars holds the sword between his hands as he bows, awkwardly, to his new teacher. She bows back, pleased. It had been his idea: if the giant space ladies were going to return, then he might as well learn to actually protect himself instead of, well, smashing stuff with rubble. So there they were: standing on some floating arena, with Pearl watching from far away and Steven next to him.   
  
Steven gives him a reassuring look, too, as he bows to him.


	9. look at this place

_Click, click,_ the robonoids buzz, as they charge up the deadly laser. The beam flashes towards Steven, and he quickly hides behind his shield; Lars has to duck to avoid being hit.

"Oh!," Padparadscha says, while Steven picks her up behind his shield, "The shield is reflective!"

 _No shit_ , Lars thinks. His grip on the rock he'd found tightens as he hears the robonoids coming for — uh, Rhodonite, right? He sprints towards her, shielding from the machine's scanner.

"Okay," he says, knowing this was a **terrible** idea, "o—kay!"

He couldn't have known it'd be _that_ bad of an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might have to wait until we know more of lars' predicament.


	10. look at your faces

Lars wakes up with a small cry and immediately pats at his chest. The ghost wound isn't there. There isn't even a scar.

He takes a moment to calm himself. He's home, safe, but still, he's nothing but a freak; the only humanity left from his—

from when he—

from _then_ is the scar over his right eye.

He can still feel it, the shrapnel burying itself into his body, the air being pulled out of his body, the _agony_ he'd felt—

Then he'd met the wall and—

He bits away a sob and buries his head under the pillows.


	11. i've never seen you look like this before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bingo Bongo.

Lars finds himself staring at the sunset.

He'd missed it, truly, the light summer breeze, the seagulls flying in front of the sun, the waves kissing his toes. Sadie is playing around the beach with Jenny. All the cool kids, who are actually genuinely cool, came when invited. Sour Cream and Buck are, uh, making out on a towel; Sour Cream got a little sunburnt and Buck laughs softly when Sour Cream complains about it.

Jenny waves at Lars. He waves back and smiles.

He stepped into the ocean and sighed, feeling okay for the first time in a while.


End file.
